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On Buying My Own Gift for Valentine’s Day

“What did you just buy?” my daughter asks.

“It’s my Valentine’s Day gift from dad,” I answer.

“But why did you buy your own gift?”

“Well, I get so much love and attention from Dad on a such a frequent basis that he might forget that there is a special day coming up.  He makes all the days special.  So just to be on the safe side, it’s better if I procure a gift for him to give to me.”

To be honest, I really don’t feel the need for a present on Valentine’s Day. In reality, Valentine’s Day, romance and all, has gone by the wayside.  Cards for classmates and something special for the kids is really what it’s all about now.   Between work and baseball practice and multiplication tables and watching the Bachelorette, there is hardly time for romance.  So how do we show each other that we love each other?

I was just reading about a popular book called The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.  He hypothesizes that each one of us has a primary “love language” that says, “Yes, I know you do love me.” The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

His theory is that if the wife’s primary love language is Quality Time, and the husband sends flowers while on a trip, there will be issues.  Similarly, if the husband’s love language is Physical Touch and the wife gives him Words of Affirmation, there will be trouble.

This love quagmire seems to spell trouble in many ways, without even getting into differing opinions on the meaning of an “Act of Service.”

I have no idea how to ascertain our love languages but I am certain of this much: Valentine’s Day is not the day to figure it out.  That said, a part of me thinks it would be fun to do something a little special next Tuesday to celebrate our love.  I love this list from Kristl Story with some great ideas on making Valentine’s Day special.

My favorite is the suggestion to have a glass of wine and look through your wedding album (or video!).   Lots of smiles, plus we can even include the kids.  And for the love language conversation?  Perhaps we’ll learn more about what we might need while looking back at what we’ve got.

Vodka Tampons for Kids?

As soon as we left the ultrasound appointment, my first call was to my parents – “it’s a girl!”  My dad’s reply: “justice has finally been served.”  And then: “I just hope I’m still around when she gets to high school.”

Very funny, Dad. I too have some consternation about my kids hitting those years.  But the good news is that having “been around the block” of teenage rebellion, I feel that I am pretty prepared for the tricks that this age group might pull.

That was, until I heard that the newest trend is for kids to insert vodka soaked tampons into their vaginas.   Apparently this works better than mainlining it, leaving less telltale smell on their breath.  

Not to be outdone, the boys have figured that they too, can use this method, albeit slightly differently.

Holy shit.

We took vodka filled shampoo bottles on field trips. We had a thriving fake ID business and wore bikinis tops to the beer mart to make sure we got served.  Lots of inventive ways to get alcohol, which then entered our body via mouth – guzzled through beer bongs, pounded during speed quarters, or just can to lips on hot nights at the local park.

But Maker’s Mark in our vagines? As resourceful (and stupid) as we were, this was not gonna happen.  Plus, you can imagine it would burn like the dickens.  So the good news is that it seems this can be largely chalked up to people-who-tried-this-once or urban legend.

But it just serves as a reminder of that teenage adage “if there’s a will, there’s a way” and many of the “ways” have never even crossed my mind.   I can’t rest on my laurels.

So instead I will turn to some of the good things that came out of 2011.  Check out CurvyGirl’s Best of 2011 List: articles that “made us laugh, cry, and for once, feel like maybe somebody gets it.”

And, since you know I love lists, here is Larissa’s round up of the best and most unique, likely to go viral lists recapping 2011.

How to Survive This Week

Well here we are, in one of the busiest weeks of the year. I’ve heard of those people that “just get it all done before Thanksgiving.”  But just say, for arguments sake, that the work you are doing this week could rival that of a procurement officer of an entire regiment.

Gift ordering, shipping times, cost management, equity of loot. Holiday card oversight, mall navigation, and God forbid, cookie decorating.  This sort of under-the-gun training would make any of you women a prime candidate to run Fedex global ops.   Plus the grace under pressure needed when, around say Thursday, your husband asks you “what are we getting for the kids?”

How to survive?  Embrace the special moments.My husband and I were backing out of the garage last week to go to a holiday party when we looked up to see our kids, with their noses pressed to the window, waving good bye to us, the glow of the tree and the lights framing their figures.

It practically made me cry, with appreciation for this time in their lives and the knowledge that they will soon be too old for such a display of affection.

Of course they may have been enthusiastically waving us out the door because they knew that only then could they cajole the babysitter into giving them a bunch of cookies.  But ’tis the season of believing, right?  And these are the moments that get you through.

In the meantime, it’s back to global ops. Did you remember stocking stuffers?  Here are some quick ideas (and if you have Amazon Prime, you can still get many of these delievered to your door by Friday for free).

App Happy: Holiday Shopping Made Simple?

I do love my apps. I wish I could say the New York Times or Business Week App is the one I couldn’t live without.  But my most used app is Shazam.  Just last night I got a great new song that I heard while watching CSI.

I rushed to iTunes hoping to be among the first to download it. Only to find it debuted in 2008.  Whatever, the song is new to me.   Some of my other apps are serious time savers that keep me organized and on top of things.

On top of everything, except managing my holiday shopping. For that, I have a three page spreadsheet that lists everyone from grandparents on down to the mail man. Columns for Need, Purchased, Wrapped, Delivered / Sent.  Historical data is done on tabs by year.  It’s a great system, except that now that my kids can read, it’s dicey to bring it to the store in my purse. 

Furthermore, this system has not prevented the breakdown that ends with me rushing around trying to tie up loose end a few days (hours) before Christmas, sometimes duplicating purchases, or unable to find gifts stashed in my own house.  And then there are the returns.

This is the year that I’m going to use some apps to streamline the holiday shopping process.Click HERE to read on about some of these super cool apps we have found such as: one click price comparisons (love this), keep all of your loyalty cards in one easy place (love this more), navigate the mall, find the nearest bathroom… good stuff!

Must-Have Holiday 2011 Shopping Apps

Who Knows How to Cook a Turkey?

Do you know how to cook a turkey? 65% of you say yes. I say no.

I am not sure who to blame for my lack of turkey cooking experience. (Would it sound more knowledgeable to say “turkey roasting”?  Or frying, as the case may be?) I have two parents that are great cooks.  I’ve figured out how to do harder things, like potty train an unwilling toddler and install blinds.   But I can’t explain four decades of Thanksgivings and no turkey cooking abilities to show for it.

A quick internet search shows that all I need are: cheesecloth, kitchen string, a pastry brush, instant-read meat thermometer, and toothpicks.  Super easy, if you could just remind me, what is cheesecloth again?  And does string from the kids’ art table work?

Assuming I can figure those things out, I can see the step by step recipe has only a few ingredients. But upon closer inspection, one ingredient is “classic stuffing” and one is “giblet stock.”  The old recipe within a recipe trick.

Let’s see… I click to giblet stock where step one is: “trim any fat or membrane from giblets. The liver should not have the gallbladder attached. If it is, trim off carefully, removing part of the liver if necessary.”  Um… Mom???

**

Here’s a great list of Must Have Thanksgiving Recipes, for items other than the turkey.  And don’t be afraid to outsource prep to one of your great local grocery stores and pick up the morning of.   Of course get it into one of your own heating / serving dishes before your guests arrive.  And enjoy your friends and family.

The Thanksgiving Feast: What”s Your “Must-Have” Dish?

What I Didn’t Expect When I Was Expecting

Ahh, the beauty of pregnancy. It is truly miraculous what a woman’s body can do to make a baby.  Some things so miraculous as to be slightly undesirable to mom, actually.

Estrogen makes your hair beautiful and thick (my husband actually used the word “lustrous” to describe my pregnant mane). Great, until gobs (literally) of it disappeared down the drain as soon as the baby was born.  P.S. your body and facial hair get more lustrous too.

Read more about tweezers, stretch marks, belly bras, and my favorite… elastic compression hose.  CONTINUE

Snack Attack: Pass the Thin Mints

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad!”

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.

Read more about the possible existence of some healthy snacks…  even a list of things to try.

Weekend Inspiration:

skinnyscoop:

Just remember to…